As we ENCOUNTER our realtionship with GOD, we often hope for and sometimes expect, a dissipation of conflict in our lives, or at least a healthier conflict management plan. I find from my own personal lifetime experiences, and from my study of relationships within GOD's Word, that conflict is a natural consequence of being in relationship with others. So expecting to avoid and/or eliminate conflict within relationships may be a futile effort. The question becomes one of how to manage conflict ... to deal with conflict ... not to fear conflict, to believe that conflict can be productive, etc. within relationships.

There seem to be two basic types of conflict: Internal and External. Internal Conflict is that within an individual, and External Conflict is conflict outside of a person, which may have triggers within the person as well.  External Conflict can be sub-divided into two areas: Circumstantial Conflict (conflict related to circumstances, events or the environment), and Interpersonal Conflict (conflict between people or between people and GOD).

In dealing with conflict, I would like for us to examine a passge in James this week. The book of James deals with conflicts on all of these levels: 1) Conflicts within the individual over personal need-fulfillment and circumstances (James 1-5), 2) Conflict with GOD over personal need-fulfillment and circumstances (James 1), and 3) Conflict with others over personal need-fulfillment and circumstances (James 2-4). Do you recognize a common denominator in all three of these areas of conflict?

Conflicts usually develop around "basic need fulfillment" issues. We all have been created and procreated with some basic GOD-given NEEDS. Two very significant needs are 1) The need for SECURITY (the need for unconditional love and acceptance) and 2) The need for SIGNIFICANCE (the need to have an impact on others and one's environment, or the need for meaning and value in the world).

Let's take a look at James and see what he has to say about the Source of Conflicts.

Examine James 4:1-3.

James tells us that 1) We hold a desire to have our basic needs met by GOD, by others, by ourselves, or by some combination of those. 2) We develop expectations that those desires will be met by GOD, by others and by ourselves in certain ways. 3) Our desires and expectations are only partially met, or are blocked and go entirely unmet. 4) Our passions burn within us. We react emotionally to the partial fulfillment of those desires and expectations, or to the blocking of them. 5) We kill, covet, quarrel, fight, etc. We attempt to force the meeting of our basic needs - the meeting of our desires and expectations. We react behaviorally to the blocking of our desires and expectations. We react in ways that are destructive to our relationship with others, GOD and ourselves. 6) We fail to include GOD in the process most of the time. And when we do include GOD, we do it with ulterior and self-centered motives to get our own desires and expectations met.

So, let's summarize what I have said in another way. There are Four Elements of an Unmet Desire and Expectation: 1) An Event - an instance of another failing to meet my desire and expectation. 2) An Expectation - a belief that another person should meet my desire and expectation. 3) An Emotional Reaction - such as irritation, anger, frustration, etc. 4) A Behavioral Reaction - such as criticism, nagging, arguing, pouting, etc.

Hence conflict! So what do we do about it all? Tune in next week, when we talk about how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. In the mean time, re-examine James 4:1-3, and pray over his teaching in these verses. Let GOD's Spirit move in your heart to be open to what He must do to help you deal with the conflicts that are barriers to your own realtionships with Him and others.